The lack of light is referred to as darkness. It isn’t exactly a thing in and of itself; rather, it is a term used to represent the lack of something desirable. The word “darkness” holds a negative connotation that everyone is familiar with, yet to me, darkness is more than simply the lack of light. Nightfall seems like a gigantic monster coming up on me, similar to the dementors from the Harry Potter series.
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What Does Depression Feel Like?
Understanding the symptoms of depression is crucial to determining whether or not you are clinically depressed. Many individuals believe that depression is a mental health disease that is completely incapacitating or paralyzing.
Depression, on the other hand, isn’t always like that. Smaller symptoms may suggest that what you’re going through is more than simply being depressed or having the blues.
What does it feel like to be depressed?
When individuals are sad, they may experience the following feelings:
- You find it difficult to focus or concentrate at work or school.
- You find it difficult to see the joy in life.
- You feel trapped or as though there is no way out.
- You begin to have irregular sleeping habits.
- You believe you are useless or a failure.
- You can’t seem to find the drive to do things like wash, dress, or brush your hair or teeth.
- You begin to experience bodily symptoms such as inexplicable aches and pains.
I’ve seen despair characterized as “walking towards a sunset.” This seems like that. The light ahead of you is visible, but even as you revel in the warmth of that light, you’re always aware that the darkness is no more than a heartbeat away from you.
That seems fairly correct, but what makes depression so difficult to comprehend for those on the outside and even those on the inside is that being sad and being joyful are not necessarily mutually incompatible.
People suffering from depression may experience happiness, sadness, and humor just like everyone else. In addition, although we’re all aware of the potentially deadly areas sadness can take you, there doesn’t appear to be much discussion about the fact that there is a type of psychological purgatory that lies somewhere in the middle of your journey to the end of your rope.
Nobody can tell you’re sad while you’re having a nice day since the symptoms aren’t as clear as we would expect them to be when you’re having a bad day.
Although you may not be experiencing the same level of misery as someone who “can’t get out of bed,” your internal conversation and perspective on the world are quite similar. The knowledge that you look normal until anything triggers you a remark, an interruption to your routine, or maybe nothing particular at all allows you to slide back down the slippery slope once again.
At work, these are the moments when I find myself sitting at my desk, feeling panicked and claustrophobic, with a strong want to actually get away from myself. These are the moments when I’m at home on the sofa, idly browsing through the same websites and watching the same channels, feeling nothing except an urge to not think about anything at all.
I should reach out during these moments, but since the environment, I constructed is so little, I withdraw back into my thoughts, to diversions, and exercise in order to dull the discomfort. As a result of these activities, they become habitual, which then becomes an obsession, and I find myself trapped in a vicious cycle once again.
However, as terrible as you, or rather, as wretched as I, might feel at times, you eventually grow accustomed to it.
Depression takes no effort on your part other than to suffer, while a pleasure to the extent that you can recall it can’t be relied on to be reliable. Happiness is unreliable and often transitory, and although sadness drains your energy, happiness drains your vitality in a different manner.
Even if you are aware that there are individuals who are eager to assist you, you will never be able to tell them everything.
Disclosing the narrative of your tale would jeopardize that sliver of control, or at the very least the appearance of control, that you so badly want in order to get by.
In addition, seeing happy people makes you feel as if you have some kind of obligation to get better, and you don’t want to be burdened with any obligations or distractions that you didn’t choose for yourselves.
Instead, you avoid people whenever possible so that you don’t have to expose yourself to questions or worry about whether or not everyone knows that you’re a huge jumbled mess, unable to figure out how to go back to “happy,” or at the very least, back to “content.”
That is why depression can be such a potentially hazardous condition. Outside, you may look completely normal and functioning, but on the inside, you may be quietly screaming in pain and distress. You may question why it is so difficult to “be joyful” again when you are down, and when you are up, you may feel terrible for the times when you have been trapped in the darkness.
Then there’s the medium, which is that psychological purgatory where you’re neither up nor down at all times.
These are the moments to remember that isolation is a symptom, not a cure, and that, despite the flowery verbiage, there are still glimmers of hope to be found. For me, sitting outdoors is sometimes the best option. It’s not uncommon for me to attempt to be amusing to those I come across. It may be anything from getting lost in a book to sending an email to someone I trust.
Those kinds of things may set the tone for a nice day.
I is true that you must sort through the muck and sludge, but it is beneficial to just appreciate the wonderful days for what they are and not ask why they are happening. Even the most well-adjusted person has difficult periods from time to time, and these times are not a reflection of your own weakness, selfishness, or whatever else you could convince yourself.
To put it another way, simply because you are dealing with sadness does not imply that you are depressed yourself. A poor day or a terrible week does not always imply a negative outlook on one’s future. Although it is not always bright, we are certain that the clouds will pass soon.